Sadness

Sometimes my life has no meaning or purpose in this world

My life has turned back on me twisted and curled

I had a frightening childhood experience that changed my life forever

To struggle through my life has been at times a harrowing endeavour

As my life now draws to a close I look back to the rounded person I am now

How could this life and person have been hidden for so long; how!

Child abuse has a legacy of lives filled with pain and disconnected people

Anger, pain, and sadness in my case all this turned in on myself

Forever to dwell on a lonely dark shelf

Autumn

Autumn comes with a nip in the air

A sign it will get louder itself to declare

Frosting our gardens with its icy fingers

This whitening will last longer as it stays and lingers

Days get shorter and nights get longer

The sun has lost his edge and no longer stronger

Fruit on trees must be picked and stored

Otherwise Jack Frost will rot the hoard

Leaves on trees turning red, russet and yellow

All as they all turn to rest and mellow

Spider’s webs sparkle in the early morning sun

Like diamonds they glisten, shine and run

Flowers shrivel and slowly fade

Autumn has arrived to ultimately raid

Child Abuse and its after effects

Your abusers give you the feeling of worthlessness

Your confidence becomes less and less

Until you start to believe you deserve it

You sink into that bottomless pit

Every part of your life becomes black

Is there a way out or can you really track back

A return to innocence is lost

But at what ultimate cost

You live your life on the edge

Between you and a happy life; forever a wedge

What did you do to deserve this shame?

Stop!!!  you are not really to blame

Someone else took your life and gave you pain

That’s why you feel your life has gone down the drain

Getting close to people leads to pain

So alone now I journey on my slow train

A Rose

The bud shows it’s a peek of bright scarlet red

It knows for its beauty it has been bred

Promise of soft petals to open beyond compare

Its needs sun and rain for more to bare

Opening slowly it unfurls its glorious scarlet dress

None can deny it will in evidently impress

Soft petals open and curl back like silk and satin

It holds the crown of horticulture within

It will eventually fade its bright satin dress

But never to look an untidy mess

Even with age beauty cannot be stopped ; it will still last

Standing tall and true till each petal ultimately falls past

Choice ????

We are born into this world of trouble and strife with no choice

Sometimes child hood trauma leaves us with no voice

  Children torn apart by war and political argument

Religion held up as a reason to kill and anger vent

To travel on rafts and die in the sea

No choice as children this could have been me or thee

Where is the mercy in a world of turmoil and death?

Capitalism has paid its last dime

Leaving a world of no reason or rhyme

Have and have nots shows up like that sore thumb

How can we be on this earth so long not to have learnt?

This planet is not ours to have burnt

Wild life tries to cling on with paws and bleeding claws

While political leaders are inevitably the cause

Man and equal women could sort it out once and for all

Women have a voice that needs to come forward to shout and call

Peace is only a word but action speaks for change

This world needs to calm and rearrange

What Sue Lambert Trust has done for me?

I have been on the longest life journey

Trauma had shut me in since the age of three

Silence reigned supreme; words not known

A child who wore a permanent frown

I felt fifty at five with an overcoat of shame

Someone who knew better was to blame

Writing has broken the spell and silence is at an end

Thoughts and emotions in my mind to bend

Finally my life and mind becomes balanced and true

So many sad tears and years long overdue

A life stolen and filled with dread

Now to seek happiness before I am dead

The Inner Child

My inner child was trapped suspended in trauma and shock

But no one ever knew or cared enough to unlock

It has been in my later years

I finally let out the full sadness and tears

Abusive childhoods do real life changing harm

People live their lives in turmoil and alarm

Afraid to get close to anyone or really trust

Left to find out about an inner trauma was a must

My brain was damaged half alive

But to get it all back I continued to strive

At sixty it awoke from sleep

Emotions buried so hidden and deep

Steady Now Dear Heart

Steady now dear heart
Don't rush through your despair
Walk slowly amongst those fears of yours and know that I am here, I am watching as you struggle and I am holding out my hand.
Have faith in your existence, in the knowledge that your not alone.
For I am the courage that stands beside you
I am the quiet and unknown

Steady now dear heart
Don't stumble over your fear
Stand tall, take each step one at a time and know that I am here, I am willing you to walk forwards and i believe you can succeed.
Face the road before you, find strength within your stride.
For I am the courage that walks beside you
I am the light inside.

By Leanne

Researcher - would you like to help?

Hello, I am Rebecca Ozanne, a PhD student from the University of Central Lancashire, and Forensic Psychologist in Training; I am completing research looking at the experiences of victims who have been abused in institutional/in care settings.  This includes sexual, physical or emotional abuse that took place whilst residing in an institution such as boarding school, residential care, prison, borstal or any form of secure care.  If you have experienced this form of abuse when you were under the age of 18, and feel comfortable and willing to write about these experiences anonymously for the purpose of this study, please click the link below. This will redirect you to my participant information sheet where you will be given more information.  You will not be asked to name abusers or to provide your name. I am interested in the impact of these experiences on you only, not in identifying details. Clearly, considering your abuse may be distressing for you and the information sheet will provide you with some sources of support to contact, should you need to. As some of the information shared may be sensitive it is suggested that a private computer is used and that you log out when the session is complete. Ethics for this study have been granted by the University of Central Lancashire. https://www.esurveycreator.co.uk/s/incareabuse

A Small Boat

I have a parasite inside me
A poison in my veins
I'm being eaten alive from deep inside
And I'm shackled by heavy chains

I have a sickness taking over
Sometimes it's touch and go
My life support is struggling
Recovery is looking slow

The stench in my own air is foul
It's creeping through my skin
I'm awake inside a nightmare
Where do I begin

I have a darkness in my existance
One that cannot be removed
There are muddied thoughts within
A bleak and intrusive view

Then there below the surface
Hidden beneath the chaotic din
The tiniest flicker of flame
A brightness from within

I've discovered the greatest treasure
On my travels within me
When i trip and fall into the darkness
That black and grimey sea

I have found that I can swim
That I can keep myself afloat
Admittedly no mighty ship
Just a modest little rowing boat

And so I shall set sail through this turmoil
Battle storms and monstrous waves of dread
Knowing that as long as I keep rowing
There are gentler waters ahead

Not everyday can promise smooth sailing
The sea is not always calm and still
My little boat will be rocked and overturned
I will struggle some days, I will

So when those days come
When the sea is just too strong
I can throw down my anchor and rest a while
To gather some strength and carry on

By Leanne

Poem

Research study - invitation to women to participate

Message from Kate Madden:

We would like to invite you to take part in a research study which is being done by Royal Holloway, University of London. The study aims to understand more about women who have been sexually assaulted, and what factors relate to how often they intend to and do attend their cervical smear. It is all done online and is completely anonymous. More details can be found at this link:

https://rhulpsychology.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0MJX0CH8e7OnGg5

Death friend or foe

When you are young you don’t feel the strain of life

You are full of passion; which runs through you rife

The next love seems all you look for in your search

To find a perfect mate who really gets you

But what if you have lived your life in a fog

To find your self is now and long over do

Searching, searching for self and a match

Settling for second best becomes your catch

Unhappiness and disappointment become common place

Never to win this lost and lonely race

Pain and deterioration of body and soul

Becomes all that is left in this fruit bowl

I have given people and life my all
So when death comes I will be ready for that call 

Strength

We are all on a journey and are constantly being told that we are strong…. 
we probably don’t believe it.

We all regard strength as that physical force as in punching someone. 

We ignore the other meaning - the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.

We are that strength - 

We continue to speak to a counsellor every week - some travelling a long way.

We cry, we agonise,  we try to make sense of that thing that brings us to the haven of safety that is the Sue Lambert Trust.

We listen to the other voice in the room and try and make him or her understand.

BUT

We miss in our tears and our pain the one real fact.

We are able to speak to a counsellor and open our minds and hearts and yes, to cry like babies and to try different things and people and places.

BECAUSE

WE ARE STRONG.

One day we will see it and smile ……. and continue on the journey.

(SLT Client)

Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse

The Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA) has launched a consultation on the impact of child sexual abuse on victims and survivors and access to and use of support services. 

The consultation is open to anyone who is a victim or survivor of child sexual abuse, and also to those who may wish to complete the survey on behalf of a victim/survivor. 

The consultation will examine a series of issues relating to victims’ and survivors’ experiences of support services. There are questions dealing with a range of issues connected to the impact of abuse and support service provision. We want to know more about experiences of the different types of support and the differences in the way they are experienced by children and adults.  

The confidential survey will be open until 12th September following this are report will be published. The easiest and quickest way to get in touch is by filling in the form here.

If you would like to see the list of questions included in the online form you can view these on our IICSA Victim and Survivor consultation document.