Released

I wrote this poem the day after I found out my abuser had been found guilty. It details my experience of Court, and then the huge change in emotions when I received the call. I wasn't quite as "released" as I thought I was; I underestimated the effect the abuse and the trauma that going to court itself would bring. However, that real, honest, raw feeling of pure...escape...was so strong I can feel it clearly even now. 

Josée (Client)

Released

Walking up steps
Heart pounds
The dreaded day finally approaches

Sat in room, waiting
Pulse races
Reading those papers for the first time in years

Open the door
Atmosphere oppressive
The moment arises to stand tall

Tell my story
Memories jolt
Some good, some bad, all important

Questioning
Mind whirrs
Explain myself, my thoughts, my actions

Movement!
Eye scans
Catches you leaning cockily, as though unimpressed

More questions
Panic rises
Unexpected and untrue..."what?!"

"No more questions. Thank you."
Relief floods
Over. It's over. It's done.

----

Phone rings
Bleary eyes awaken
The news that's been awaited

"No?!"
Shock and relief mix
Hand flies to mouth reflexively

Relief rises
Shock dissipates
Reality begins to reawaken

Repeating the call
Explaining once more
Relief. Just, sweet, sweet relief.

One more step to come
No stress or upset this time
My part has been played

I can be an onlooker, a bystander...a person in the crowd again.

Free at last, from you.