MP moves colleagues to tears with account of how she was raped at age 14

Tips for Friends and Family of Rape & Sexual Abuse Survivors

It can be hard to know what to do to help a friend or family member who has been raped or sexually assaulted. Here are some tips on what to do (and what not to do) and how to cope yourself. 

Read on>>

Client poem - Decor

Décor

I papered over chasms not cracks

This is why life had so many lacks

I live in a world with no colours except blacks

I

Play the game and hide my sorrow behind their backs

I shelve it on empty cold racks

Sometimes the emotion and pain drips to the floor

Then I have to retreat and struggle to close the door

from C.

Counsellor's poem

The Counselling Chair

A worried mind, a head full of fears,

How should I be? Do I hold back the tears?

This person unknown, hearing my woes

What do I say? How much to disclose?

She sits just in front in a chair of her own,

Her voice welcomes me with a gentle tone

A caring concern for whatever I share,

I start to feel safe as I sit in my chair

My voice starts to quiver as my first words are spoken,

My thoughts seem to scream, PLEASE FIX ME I’M BROKEN!

She listens intently, doesn’t judge what’s discussed,

Finally someone I feel I can trust

We meet again and more frequently,

I start to feel different, more open and free

She seems to understand things from my point of view,

She knows what it’s like to be in my shoes

Released

I wrote this poem the day after I found out my abuser had been found guilty. It details my experience of Court, and then the huge change in emotions when I received the call. I wasn't quite as "released" as I thought I was; I underestimated the effect the abuse and the trauma that going to court itself would bring. However, that real, honest, raw feeling of pure...escape...was so strong I can feel it clearly even now. 

Josée (Client)

Released

Walking up steps
Heart pounds
The dreaded day finally approaches

Sat in room, waiting
Pulse races
Reading those papers for the first time in years

Self-help tips

Click to view

Lots of tips here for dealing with flashbacks and trauma and helping to stay grounded and relaxed.

Broken Innocence

The sacrilege of broken innocence we try to hold in
But that is the last place the healing can begin
To open our troubled minds and speak of life’s taboo
Children of the future must never go through.

By Christina

The Sue Lambert Trust - a poem

The Sue Lambert Trust has given me hope,

That one day I will understand "why" and be able to cope,

For forty years I have lived in fear,

Frightened a scared to even shed a tear,

What can friends and family members do to support survivors of sexual abuse?

Knowing that someone you care about has been hurt may leave you feeling overwhelmed. Often both survivors and their supporters struggle with feeling helpless and angry in the aftermath, and it can take some time to learn how to respond.

Grounding Techniques

Things can take us mentally away from the present moment, and grounding brings us back.

Click here for a helpful guide 

13 steps for managing flashbacks

Say to yourself: "I am having a flashback". Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now. 

by Pete Walker click for more...

The Journey Begins

One of our clients is a prolific writer of poems. This is her way of empowering and expressing herself. She has kindly offered to share one of her poems here.

The Journey Begins

Today my journey will begin

A journey I hope that I can win

For forty years I have lived in fear

Frightened and scared to even shed a tear.

You're not alone

Sometimes it helps just to know that others have had similar experiences. This booklet is a summary of a report completed in London in 2015,

Click to open

The Courage to be Me

Several of our clients have found Nina Burrows' book; The Courage To Be Me really helpful.

It is available to read free online or you can buy the book. Click on hte image to go to Nina's webpage.

5 steps to reduce anxiety

1. Recognise the anxiety 

Recognise anxiety for what it really is, a series of fear-based thoughts which try to trick you into believing something is real. These thoughts aren't real they are just what anxiety conjures up. Recognising this helps you to stay detached from the fear they try to create.